Have you ever not done something simply because everyone else was doing it?
I went to Chicago last month to meet up with my writing group, and during some of our late night getting-to-know-you chats, I heard a theme emerging in my answers: there are a lot of things I avoided doing only because they were expected of me, too popular, or cliché. Let’s just say that if I saw Cady Heron wearing Army pants and flip flops, I would not have worn Army pants or flip flops. Ever. Basically, the opposite of peer pressure is what works best on me.
There was that time I told my favorite high school teacher and mentor, Mrs. H, that I wanted to be just like her, only not a teacher. So naturally, I considered about a thousand different majors and careers (Zoology! Music Therapy! Business!) and wasted a lot of precious time before inevitably becoming…a teacher. Cool, cool.
Or that time my now-husband and I spent months telling everyone we.are.just.friends. Because we were. And then I realized that maybe I more-than-liked him and therefore absolutely could NOT go dance with him at the bar or stand by him at a tailgate or be a mature adult about it in any way. Nope. (We will celebrate our twelfth wedding anniversary this month.)
And then there’s Harry Potter. My friend Sarah kept trying to convince me to read the books in middle school and high school, and I finally relented in college just to see why all the weirdos in my hometown were trying to ban books about juvenile wizards (and because I needed to read them before watching the movies—there is a proper order to these things). Now I’ve managed to get my kids hooked, and we might have had a Hogwarts Halloween this year.
I don’t really have anything deep to say about this, it’s more of an observation. But I do believe I would’ve missed out on some pretty awesome parts of my life if I had remained stubborn and not given in to my feelings, curiosities, and the recommendations of people I trust. There were things that I knew could bring joy to my life, but out of pride I discounted them as options. If you’re like me and preemptively reject things just because, then I’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate you. There’s a prize for this level of obstinacy, right?
I made this Substack two months ago, then immediately felt it was becoming “the thing to do,” and considered deleting it just about every day. In the greatly over-quoted words of Taylor Swift, “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem. It’s me.” (And add listening to Taylor Swift music to my list of things I avoided for too long. I made it to age 35 without listening to anything of hers that wasn’t on the radio, and I am so glad I caved. Not a Swiftie, but her lyrics blow me away sometimes.)
Anyway. Here it is! My first Substack newsletter. I didn’t delete it. Yet. So you’ll still be hearing from me every couple of months or so, right in your inbox, just like before. I’m hoping this new format will help me keep things simple, focus on the words, and connect more with all of you. There’s also an archive of old newsletters, so that’s fun!
In closing…there is no closing. This is not a five-paragraph essay with a thesis (I taught Spanish, not English). I’m glad I danced with Kyle and got my teaching certificate. I think it’s hilarious that I have been sorted into a Hogwarts house (Gryffindor) and that I know my patronus is a hedgehog. There are an equal number of things that I’m glad I’ve never experienced (Fantasy Football, Game of Thrones, spray tans), and there is beauty in trusting your gut and knowing what you like. But in everything, balance, yes?
If there’s something you’ve been eschewing for awhile (Hamilton? Peanut butter and banana sandwiches? Minivans?) and this inspires you to give it a try, I’d love to hear about it. Just don’t let my words inspire something drastic you might regret, like getting your kids an Elf on the Shelf. Follow your intuition on that one.
Peace and joy to you this holiday season. See you in 2023!
Cheers,
Melissa
p.s. The Mean Girls references happened organically. You’re welcome.
In Case You Missed It
a couple things I wrote…
Why Can’t I Sleep? Turns out—even when the kids grow up and sleep through the night, sleep is not guaranteed. I’m not the only one like this, right?
Wanted: Friendship The MOPS Magazine published this essay in August, and I was excited to finally share it on the blog.
Journal Prompts / Reflection
Have you ever steered clear of something out of stubbornness or pride? Is it still warranted? What do you have to lose by giving it a try?
When is the last time you jumped on the proverbial bandwagon and were pleasantly surprised?
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This Cady Heron reference was 👌🏻. I myself am far too influenced by what the “cool kids” are doing. I promise I’ll still think you’re cool if you stay here.
Love this. Even more than I love the occassional spray tan-ha! Thanks for making me laugh and reflect, in the way that your writing always manages to do ❤️❤️